Current mood:

frustrated

Frustrated?...
Hmm... Things didn't turn out pretty well for me...I always ask myself... Is my problem this big?! I mean... I hate my life now. I'm not being true to myself, not even to everybody. I hate it. I wanna go somewhere this Sunday but then...I have this feeling that my mom will force me to go back to my hometown. Sometimes...I feel like I hate my parents. But when I think back for what they've done for me...I can't hate them....instead... I love them even more. I'm useless now! I hate this! Don't worry... I won't commit suicide. Even tho I do feel like it once. I wanna runaway. But I don't know how or where or when. Am I ready for that? I don't know! I don't wanna loose my family but then I don't have any other choice. If I don't do this they wouldn't listen to me or even try to understand. Maybe I have lotsa sins that would make my life difficult as this. Or maybe this is just some obstacle I have to take. I believe in God. I know God won't give bad things to me. Every bad things come from myself. Everything is my own fault. But now I have to take a dangerous step. If I don't do this now...I don't know when I can do it. I'll retire from cosplaying now. This is so not me. I'm acting. I need someone...maybe what I need is not someone but...my parents... to just listen to me for once and understand. That's all. That's all I ever want in this world. I'm sorry...Mom...dad...I have to do this.